Gearing up to RPA
What is an RPA you ask?
It stands for Research Proposal Assessment.
What is it supposed to do?
It is a method to keep research students on track. Also known as a milestone within Uni.
When is it to happen?
4 months into the programme. (For full timers that is) I am a full time PhD student, in case I hadn't mentioned that.
What do you need to do?
A lot of writing. In my case, there were also a lot of head banging, pulling hair out of my head, and of course, crying.
Why?
4 months into the degree, it is expected of you to have refined your research, as much as 4 months will allow for. This is why I had to read so much. Because I needed to understand which critical lens I'm using for my research. (This is the basis of the research. The analysing bit) The book which was to give me some insight into the theory is no other than Sociological Paradigms. There were aspects which I fundamentally can imagine myself using: Simmel, Young Marx, Weber. However, as I broke down my research, each of the listed theorist didn't quite fit into what I was investigating.
Problematic.
In order to be able to critically analyse your work, you need to use a paradigm which you believed as a person.
Me?
I'm an existentialist.
I believe in choices, responsibilities, and being the best version of myself. I believe that we have potentials, if we are lucky enough to find people to nurture these potentials, you will flourish. I was very lucky in finding people who believed and still believe in me. No, I wasn't the smartest kid in class (learning disabilities really doesn't help. Understanding you have learning disabilities in your 20's also doesn't help with the times in high school when you were scrutinised). You know what else doesn't help? Your mom confirming with you when you're 29 that you have dyslexia. No wonder I had such a hard time reading... Thanks Mom. Love You ❤️
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Um, not really on those days when you're plagued with self doubt. It did make me find ways to better understand things. Touching things gives me a closer look as to how things are constructed and felt like. It made sense to me when I touched something because I could connect with it. The act of touching, manipulating material gave me insight as to how to man handle the medium I was using. Anyway, this post isn't about my studio practice.
From my understanding, I needed to discuss in the RPA writing the problem I'm investigating, literature review (who's view points am I referencing? Do I agree or disagree with them? Or as lead calls it, who do I want to invite to my dinner party. This is tricky. I really like kale and quinoa. I'm not sure who wants to have a dinner of quinoa and kale. I don't get a sense that theorists and academics are kale and quinoa lovers. I am sure I'm wrong though. After all, I am an existentialist, so, I believe that all types are out there.), theory, methodology, and method. In addition to being able to adequately discuss that list, I created a typology to further refine who I'm investigating and why.
It's a large list. It's a lot of accomplish. It's overwhelming.
Looking at those tasks made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Mainly because I didn't know how to do any of it.
Of course I cried.
Repeatedly.
In conclusion: Being outside of your comfort zone is hard. Every aspect of the degree is essentially new to me. I didn't come from an academic background. I'm a maker. The difference between method and methodology seems like one has ology as the suffix and that's it. Isn't it?
Task: A lot of breathing and feeling the discomfort. Remind myself why I wanted to do this. Because all I want is to be an artist and be adequately compensated for my tacit knowledge. I know a lot of people are in the same boat as me. Remind myself that I'm not alone even when I feel so alone and overwhelmed by my choices.
Task Task: Call mom, she'll tell me she loves me.
